I love to read and since I’m always looking for ideas and tips on how to be a better mother, I recently read this book and learned a couple of things in there that were interesting.
The first was to separate types of mothers into three types:
1. Strategic Planner – who lives life intentionally and plans the hell of out it. Pros: organized and drives routine. Cons: Can be inflexible and can lose the beauty of the moment.
2. Camp Counselor -oriented towards action not planning or long reflection. Is always getting family involved in activities. Pros: Fun! Cons: doesn’t allow a lot of time for introspection.
3. Earth Mother- Calm, natural attitude towards life, doesn’t try to jam pack the day with stuff. Pros: Calm and soothing. Cons: has limited expectations of her children and herself.
4. Passionate Spirit- Embraces a passion for life and for activities. Pros: Lives in the moment and appreciates them. Cons: Can feel out of control and overwhelmed by her powerful emotions.
The three pillars for successful working Mothers:
1. Partner in-parenting
2. Supporting employer
3. Excellent child care
While all three are pretty self-evident – one quote that did catch my eye was that “on average, working Mothers work 6 hours LESS a week than full-time working Fathers. Much of this extra time is spent on Household tasks (she pulls back at work to get the household chores taken care of)”. ” If working dads can spend 6 hours more per week on their careers , without interruption for home issues, they must be better equipped to get ahead” – The resolution for this, is to either pay for it (if you can afford to contract things out) or to have a great partner who pulls their weight (or sometimes more than their weight) to keep you fully vested at work.
Of the working Mothers surveyed 43% said that having kids did not slow down their careers (in some cases it accelerated their careers due to renewed focus), 44% said that it did slow their careers down (but by their own choice- since they wanted to slow down) and 13% said that did slow their careers, even without them wanting it to, mostly due to unsupportive employers.
All in all, the book focuses on active parenting – meaning 1) Being intentional about your routines (dinner together, books at night, special activities you do as a family), 2) Being more involved at their daycare (dropping in every once in a while to help out), 3) making the changes you need at work – being an advocate for better systems and more family friendly policies. Don’t wait until someone does them for you, take the initiative to make your working environment what you want it to be.
It is a very good but (although a bit long) and I recommend it if you’re looking for ideas and tips on how to be a Working Parent.