This morning’s service at crossroads was one of my favorites of all time. They talked about “the wolf” (money) as part of their ” who is afraid of the wolf” series. The concept is simple and timeless: either you serve money or you have money serve you. Or as the pastor said ” if you can make the wolf heel and serve you and your purpose, that’s when you reach nirvana”. This concept of having the wolf heel was still a bit confusing to me – however this week the pastor further described it as using the wolf to HEAL. Now this I can understand – money can be used to buy the latest and greatest – money can satisfy our need to feel rewarded, special, secure and important – that is how the wolf gets us. However money can also be used to heal others , for example when we donate or use it to help others feel secured, loved and important.
Since we moved into our house I have wanted to redo our kitchen, not because it’s destroyed and no functioning but because to renovate it would bring me satisfaction and help our resale value. Is this a need? No, it’s a want. Since I wanted to save aggressively to get it done, I dramatically cut our charity donations and our family travel. Of all the things I could’ve cut out, I took out the only thing we do to help others- that is clearly money and the wolf talking. See the wolf is greedy, it want all for itself and does not share for others. The wolf is GREAT at rationalizing its way to things in a way that appeals to your weaknesses. One of my weakness is wanting to look put together and the wolf always uses that against me to drown out the small voice of my heart and the whispers of my conscience. The wolf tells me that I work hard, that I deserve it, that I need to maintain an image for my job. The wolf feeds my ego and vanity. Instead of listening to my gut that says that I don’t needed that new pair of shoes that will put me over budget this month the wolf reassures me that I will make it up in different ways, that they will sell out and I will regret not buying them. Because I’ve listened to the wolf for so long- he knows me really well and has a loud voice in my head. He has knit and woven his way into my heart so tightly that it’s so easy to give in- he plays on my obsessions until he wins. Until I can think of nothing else. The challenge is how to stop myself from listening and acting on his seductive voice? How do I put those amazing shoes or that life-changing skirt down? How do I train the muscles of restraint?
I will train them like any other muscle- the first couple of times through sheer will, until it becomes easier.
How I engage and empower others around me to help me when the wolf has me on the cliff? How do I break the wall of solitude that the wolf builds around me to keep me listening to only his sultry voice? – how do I break that to let in the air of balance and conscience?
I vouch to start today! Dillard’s cute sailor heels? Madewell gorge dress and belt? Banana republic sexy pencil shirt? I will NOT buy you! I won’t even visit you or try you on! I will return more than half of my sephora haul with pride. I will strive to meet and be under my budget this month- more than any other month before. I will add money back to my charity budget and cut it from other areas, I will return all the junk I got at amazon for the kids- as party gifts and I will donate some of their toys to charity – in honor of their birthday. I will train my kids to fight the wolf and show them through example how to make the wolf heal and heel.